5 reasons why you should be scared of getting married (and 5 reasons why you should look forward to it!)
Tell a boy this world is a bad place and he will be cautious forever;
Tell a boy this world is a beautiful place, and he will be grateful forever!
The reason why I am writing on such a controversial topic as this (just for fun!), is well, just for fun. As several days went by for the reality to finally set in, I realized that my dearest childhood friend is actually going to start a new chapter of his life (by getting married). Gossiping about getting married is all fun and games until it starts happening with us, and this was the dreaded head-on collision when I was talking to him on phone one day.
Dear AJ, it is time you realize that this is actually happening, and by saying this, I am reassuring myself (and not you, because you are way closer to reality than I am!)
So, from the conversation, we had the other day, the idea to write about this issue sprouted, and the way I see it, it is not an issue or problem rather a matter of perception and some things that are normally out of human control. There can be numerous reasons for a guy to be scared to death (of getting married), and numerous reasons to actually look forward to it. I’d rather say that it depends on how daring or adventurous you are!
Please keep in mind that this is a guys-only blog because honestly, I wouldn’t be able to do justice with explaining the experience that a girl goes through this period. (Girls can read it to understand their to-be partners better, Lol!)
So, 5 reasons to be scared!
1. Your freedom is no longer yours: No fixed wake-up time, no sleeping schedule, party all night, get wasted on weekends- all of this changes from day 1 for the rest of your life. You might come across someone who wouldn’t mind your bachelor mindset but you’ll realize that that lifestyle ain’t gonna work out anymore. You need to be way more disciplined than you ever imagined you could be. That doesn’t mean that discipline is to be taken for granted at any time in your life, it actually means that you will need to follow the ‘routine’ more religiously.
2. You are literally going to share your personal space: And this scares the shit out of some guys (ok, most of us!). Those of you who are too manly to accept this (including me) are far from reality (including me) and they will never be prepared for it (including me, and my dear AJ). This is actually a scary proposition for both the guy and the girl. For arranged marriages, it definitely takes a lot of patience (read ‘bearing’) to try to accept how the other person is behind closed doors. Your sleeping habits, the way you brush your teeth (or whether you brush your teeth at all!), small details of your personal life everything comes under the scanner and no one likes it.
3. You will be held accountable for both of you: If you think this happens only with girls, think again. Indian parents won’t spare anyone if they come to their true selves. As brutal as it may sound, this is true. And not only parents, the relatives, society everyone as a whole. (You will only find your friends standing in a corner and laughing at your pitfalls, they’ll help you get up afterward.) Owning up to our mistakes is already tough, being held accountable for what your wife did or what her family said is another level of BS. Moreover, since now you both are starting a fairy tale ‘they-happily-lived-ever-after…’, you’ll find everything except happiness.
4. You need to trust someone without knowing the person: This is way scary (wait until I get to point number 5), than I ever imagined. Whether it is a love marriage or an arranged marriage, the trust issues are real, and they creep in faster than one can imagine. Things change a lot after marriage, and sometimes, the girl you knew before changes suddenly. Some people might argue that with love marriage, this isn’t the case, but has the thought of basically love marriage having a very long, extended courtship period crossed your mind? Now that you are married, you got to trust the other person to make it work, for the rest of your life.
5. People change over 2 years, 5 years, 10 years, and so on…: It’s your wedding, you are finally getting to spend the rest of your life with a seemingly perfect girl, that beauty, that charm, that poise and posture is taking your breath away, BUT, is it here to stay? The realization that everything will fade and be replaced by something unknown is the scariest feeling on earth. You have to make your marriage work, (marriages fail, agreed, and it's ok to get a divorce and move on, but it’s not the correct argument here), and no matter what, you have to accept and adapt to change rapidly. You think you will be able to manage it, think again.
And, why you should actually look forward to getting married!
1. You get to slow down and have a stable life: Imagine constantly running in every direction and getting nowhere. This is exactly what happens when we as bachelors start our lives out of college, out of our comfort zone, and we get so addicted to it that the idea of stability is dreaded. But, for long, healthy life, you need to slow down a bit and give your life a new direction with a life partner. (I don’t think that live in or life-long companionship outside of a marriage can solve that)
2. You learn to be more responsible: Bachelorhood is basically a carefree life, and though most of us hate adulating, it is the reality of life. Getting married helps us become more responsible towards our life, and the moment ‘We’ replaces ‘I’, the positive effects become quite evident. Every little action is well thought out and performed keeping in mind the well-being of the ‘family’ rather than an individual self.
3. You get to spend the rest of your life with a partner in crime: The best marriages are the ones wherein the husband and wife are best friends above anything else. The love and intimacy is always there, as a perk, obviously, but the partnership is something that can give a life-long purpose to both of the spouses. This is because, when you start building your marriage on a logical partnership and values of friendship, you will find it easier to steer the ship.
4. You have a lifelong support system: Parents get old and leave the terrestrial realm, kids leave their homes to live their own lives, but a life partner is someone who will stay with you no matter what. You get to have someone who you can fall back on on your weak days and uplift them on their low days as well. This emotional support system must be nurtured and taken care of like a tree, which provides shade and gives sweet fruits of labor eventually.
5. You get to raise a family: Being a parent can be easily the most beautiful feeling in the world for both partners. It has special significance for all the beautiful and gorgeous ladies, but for guys, the feeling is surreal. (I can say that from the look on my brother’s face when he became a dad, which I haven’t ever seen in the last 20 years). And not only this, you get to raise a family based on the values and principles you lay down to the best of your knowledge and experience. This also helps in realizing the true meaning of being a parent, which we often take for granted in occasional arguments with our parents.
Final thoughts
Dear AJ, thank you for inspiring me to be able to write on this topic. Marriage is one of the most beautiful arrangements of modern society, and there is no denying that it will remain so for centuries. Being scared is alright, it means you are a human being. A marriage humbles us, changes us, and helps us evolve into our better selves.
Please don’t be scared and focus on all the positives that come along your way, and ignore the rest. No one is going to remember anything, because people grow old and forget eventually.
People will never remember what you did for them,
People will always remember how you made them feel!
Happy reading!
