How live-in is defining modern relationships, and their perception in India
Live-in relationships have been around since human beings realized the importance of long-term companionship. Marriages justify the relationship and they give legal identity to the couple as a husband and a wife. What’s interesting is that we have been following traditions for so many years and through so many ancestral rituals that we actually forgot where it all originated from, or in some cases, we don’t even know the origins.
So how are modern relationships taking shape?
I have had a chance to live in Tier-II cities of India and in Tier I cities as well. The major difference between the categories has been the presence of well-organized infrastructure (obviously, and the lack of it!). The global industrial setup and digitization have suddenly opened so many portals of interactions between the opposite sexes belonging from different classes, races, ethnicities, and cultural backgrounds, that modern relationships have taken a 360-degree reformative turn.
So where does Live-in come into play?
Live-in partnerships in modern India
Those who are not familiar with the Indian culture and way of life might find it surprising that live-in relationships are still taboo here. While cosmopolitan cities, in a way, have no choice but to accept them, smaller cities and towns really disgust the concept of live-in.
The cosmopolitan cities are trying to accept them because they are out of options. All the working generation between 25 to 35 years of age, be it men or women, prefer to stay with a live-in partner. A majority of these workers obviously need rental homes to live in, and they are willing to pay as much as the landowners demand.
Ultimately, they still find it a hard time accepting that, much like smaller towns and cities. This is for the simple reason that the first thing that crosses the minds of people when they hear the word ‘Live-in’ is an illegal sexual relationships between the partners.
Modern India is only modern by superficial living standards and not by thinking. I hold all respect for the Indian culture and its significance, but a live-in relationship is in no way illegal, or as some people put it, a ‘black spot on the society’. Indians are extremely talented at judging others, and I have no shame in accepting that being an Indian myself. I hate this to the level of breaking a table on the heads of some people. (Just kidding! I don’t have temper issues. I just have intolerance issues. Like lactose intolerance? I have got Morons Intolerance.)
Especially, the generation before ours, who unfortunately haven’t run the course of time and perished, and are only halfway through, envy us for all the liberties we take. I’m a 90s kid, reaching 30 this year, and I don’t mind the generation younger than me taking their liberties.
This is because we as a generation have seen everything. From black and white TVs to 6” high definition smartphones (and smartwatches even!), we have seen it all, and we have learned to adapt. The current need of society is to allow live-in relationships within reasonable boundaries, in view of the marriages that have failed miserably in front of us in all these years.
Why is Live-in important?
In the Indian context, bachelors and bachelorettes rely heavily on the arranged marriage system to find a suitable partner (or to just get done with it, the sex and taking vows to tolerate each other for the rest of their lives!). It gets ugly right there.
Live-in relationships are a great way to find a middle ground. Two mature individuals, who are independent, and are looking for long-term companionship, can decide on living together for a while to experience each other’s approach towards life. The sex part is not mandatory. Surprising? Isn’t it?
No, it isn’t.
You have to know what it feels like to actually live with your potential partner for the rest of your life. Different individuals have a unique approach towards life and accommodating someone in their personal space is another highly dangerous arena where many relationships fail. Live-in relationships save you the pain of obligation. You have not committed to a marriage, and are constantly judging your compatibility with your potential partner (yes, unfortunately, judging! Again!).
Another very important thing that people can actually learn from a live-in experience is the importance of taking care of each other. Like literally, even on those days where you want to throw each other out of the balcony and break some bones. This, according to me, is the most valuable lesson one can learn. In modern marriages, where divorces have replaced the ‘throwing out of the balcony’ part, it is important to understand the value of making things work rather than running away from them.
In modern India, live-in relationships are also helping working professionals find the right partner for them within a limited time frame. The live-in duration can be mutually agreed upon, and partners who are really interested in each other can get an opportunity to work out amicable ways to carry out their relationship. The balance is there, the understanding of your partner’s professional commitments is there, and the need to be with each other doesn’t diminish as well.
And what are the downsides?
Those partners who think that a live-in is a freedom to have as much sex as they want without any commitment or boundaries are heading towards a certain abyss. The psychological implications of such relationships are so much harmful and damaging, that people lose meaning in their lives at some point.
Unfortunately, live-in is cited as an excuse to know someone better, while in reality, the ‘knowing each other’ part is replaced by the ‘banging each other at the slightest trigger’ part. This is where the relationships start falling apart and can’t even stand the test of time. There are many people who bounce back and try to make things really work again, but in most cases, the girls are left disbanded and hurt, while the guys move on to catch some other fish.
People who decide to live without giving it a proper thought are bound to face enormous resistance in society and life as a whole. When you are not sure of yourself, you shouldn’t take any such step. This is a major downside with live-in relationships in India. Young couples moving from a small city to a big cosmopolitan, for example, may finally have the freedom to live life as they want to, but they’re more often than not, short-sighted.
Opting for a live-in relationship too early can have major devastating impacts on the mental health of both partners. Those who have just started dating a few weeks back should avoid such a system at all costs. This is to ensure that the relationship is given ample time to grow. Consider culturing a seed in a controlled environment in a suitable medium, and suddenly moving it to the open atmosphere to bear fruits as soon as it sprouts. This is a major concern, same as failing marriages.
If you think that you have the liberty to break up and move on easily, the psychological impacts are similar to a divorce.
Afterthoughts…
I have never been in a live-in relationship. And no, this isn’t a disclaimer either. All the thoughts expressed in the article are original and something that I have closely observed over a period of time. This is a very important issue to address keeping in focus the path on which youngsters are headed. Unfortunately, I’m neither too old that any 20 years old will listen to me, nor too young to not be held accountable by a 40-year-old for my words and actions. (We can address this dilemma later though).
As there are many of you who will have different views on this topic, I would be more than happy to welcome you over for a few drinks and a good conversation!
Happy reading.
